LOOKING ABOVE THE NIGHT SKY

I like it when there are a few clouds, or none at all, during the night. I like to look at the stars and the moon. Sometimes, when I get lonely, depressed or if something is bothering me, I look at the night sky. I look above in awe…

I used to dream, back when I was a small kid, of being an astronaut when I grow up. I wanted to blast off to outer space, to float in weightlessness, to watch the Earth from above, to walk on the moon, and reach for the stars…
Back then, being a small kid, dreaming and admiring the outer space, I read a lot about it: planets, space flight, heavenly bodies… I was deeply interested in learning about th Space, and how to get there.
I don't dream of being an astronaut anymore, though I still like the idea than being a CPA. Me, being, an astronaut may not be impossible… but close.

But although I lost my dream of being a n astronaut, I still am interested about Space. I read and watch sci-fi; keep informed about new discoveries and new space projects; Moon Landing Conspiracy; hazards of space junk; possibility of life on Mars; aliens… I'm still into those things. And I will never outgrow my liking of looking up the cloudless night sky… to wonder and ponder.

I'm not really aware of star constellations, star positions and other astronomical stuff (the only things I can identify in the night sky is the moon and the "big dipper [or is it the small?]"). But I want to learn about them someday… want to learn astronomy.
And I wish I have high-powered binoculars, or wish that I still have my telescope (the one my lil sis broke).
But, at least, you don't need fancy gadgets and not being aware about "star facts" does not hinder me to admire the night sky.

I am not really sure why looking above at night time at the stars and the moon comforts me, calms me or cheers me. But it is so.
Maybe it's one reason God created them.

Lately, I have been looking above the night sky a lot. I have been often thinking about a lot of things. At our house's third floor, with my acoustic guitar, and a cup of coffee and pack of crackers beside me, I look above… and think.

And sometimes, while I admire at the beauty of the night sky, and outer space… I think of a more beautiful and glorious place which is located way beyond the skies and Space.
Heaven… I believe in that place. God's place. Where there is no sorrow, worry and wants. Where complete peace, joy and satisfaction lies.
One great evidence that it exists is you can catch a glimpse of Heaven in this Earth. Some of the things I catch a glimpse of it are when I see: a happy occasion, a selfless deed, an inspiring event, love, faith, hope, unity, miracles, wondrous works of Nature, breathtaking views, a beautiful sunset, or looking at the night sky…

Looking above brings comfort, cheer and calmness - no matter how down you are - looking above can do that.
Heartbreak is no match against Heaven. Hell can never prevail against Heaven. If you are having a Hell in your life, look above!

I wonder if I'll see a meteor shower or a comet, tonight?
Anyway, I'll enjoy the night sky, I'll strum the guitar and sing my heart out, enjoy the heavenly taste of coffee, and ponder on the fact that all joy and suffering in this world is temporary… and dream of my future Home…
I don’t need to be an astronaut to fly there…

Read More

KNOCKED DOWN... BUT NEVER KNOCKED OUT.

Ludwig Von Beethoven.
The Master.
You should hear his masterpieces (got a tape cassette of them). Among the best of the best. He's a genius in composing of music - a true genius.
You see, Beethoven was deaf. Since he was young, he has begun to lose his hearing. And he completely lost his hearing by the time he was forty-eight - but five years later, he finished the awesome Ninth Symphony. He never heard it by ear. But he heard it in his heart and mind.
For a musician, losing your hearing is terrible. But that's what I admired about Beethoven. His deafness did not stop him loving the thing he loves - which is music. He loves music so much. He never allowed his deafness, or his other many problems (love life, social life, etc. read about it…), to stop him.
A true Master

* * *

Brewster M. Higley, M.D.
Composer of the song "My Western Home" or better known as "Home On The Range".
His life was tragic, too. Lost four wives. And he turned to alcohol n his depression. Poor miserable man.
But he moved on with his life. He went to the American Frontier - to be a pioneer out on Indian Country in Kansas. Yes, there were many dangers - Indians, snakes, prairie fire, heat, cold, plagues… you name it. Plus, the long distance from supplies and help.
But there he found solace. He found himself. He found a home. And found time to be awed by Nature and his surroundings and write a song about it. "Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and the skies are not cloudy all day…" Lovely.
He never allowed misery to completely beat him. He manage to compose a great song, as well as compose himself to stand up again after the pain of the past.
Well, he married again - for the fifth time - and lived happily ever after.
A true man of optimism.

* * *

Jon Bon Jovi's slow rock love songs are almost all about goodbyes and heartbreaks; the girl leaving, but him still loving her. Bed Of Roses, Always, I'll Be There For You… Song of goodbyes and heartbreaks.
It's all based on his experiences… those moving but lonely love songs. It seems a girl (or girls?) left him, but he still loves her loyally even with the pain he felt.
Cool guy. Never allowed the heartbreak to bring him completely down. He managed to do something constructive - he wrote love songs.
Like Beethoven and Higley, Bon Jovi was knocked down but never allowed himself to be completely knocked out. It's not only true to musicians. I could name other great people - like Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison - that failed, but did not allow themselves to be complete failures. They stood up and continued to fight - to win. Knocked down but never knocked out.

* * *

Why am I writing these?
Well, I was recently knocked down and barely did not made the ten counts.
I was - or rather, am - brokenhearted for the first time. The girl I love and I broke up in our relationship. And it was very painful.
But I managed to stand up again - still hurting, but ready to go on.
And like Beethoven, Higley and Bon Jovi, I am going to make some music.
I guess I am going to compose a new song - this is going to be my sixth composed song. I already have some music in my mind, and I'm sorting out the lyrics.
The song might be a lonely one… all about my feelings and emotions now, like pain and loneliness. I'll not only dedicate it to my ex, but also to the Beethovens, Higleys, Bon Jovis, Einsteins, Edisons, Lincolns, etc. of this world. Those guys who were knocked down, but stood up to continue the fight and never knocked out.

* * *

And I'll dedicate it to God, too, like all the songs, secular and worship, I composed. This song might not be a worship song to Him (maybe I'll make one for Him, too) but its' also dedicated to him because. He's the one who lifts me up when I'm knocked down, encourages me to keep on fighting, and promised, that with Him, I will never be knocked out.

Read More

BREAKUP... BROKENHEARTED... BREAKING DOWN...

Brokenhearted
That is my state today
My girlfriend, my high school sweetheart, broke up with me
I was a bit ready for it, but it was still painful
I love her so much
Yes, I was prepared to let her go if that's the best
And I have to let her go
But it's painful
It was like seeing the Los Angeles Lakers lose
Only a hundred times more painful (that's the best description I can give)
It's my first time to be brokenhearted
And I find it really painful
Hellishly painful

I call her the "Luv Of My Lyf"
She's beautiful
Her character matches her beauty
Has a good heart
Talented
Intelligent
But most of all, I love her'
And that what really matters
I love her for what she is

She was sorry it had to happen (me too!)
But I guess she's right to prioritize many important things and let go of me
At least, she was honest
And although she is gone, as a lover…
She's still my friend - I'm still glad of that

It's both joyful and sad when I think about the bittersweet memories we shared
I'll always love the dances we shared
The times we're together…
Especially when we go home from school
It was fun to be with her
All about her was fun
Now it's over

As to date, this is the lowest point of my life
Yes, I still have my happy and carefree nature (Thank God!)
But there's loneliness and pain in my heart
And melancholy and depression comes once in a while
I'm glad I still find sources of comfort
To be thankful and happy
Reading literature and playing music lifts my spirit when I am down
But the pain was too much…
It's been days after the breakup before I could pick up my guitar or read a book
I'm glad I can do those things now - takes a bit of the pain away
Food helps, too. Food is always there when you need it
Entertainment - yeah - will do, too
TV, PC, movies, Internet, games, jokes, fun… good things that makes you forget
And I can turn to drawing… to practice to draw again… to learn…
Writing is always good as well as therapeutic… that's what I'm doing now
And other hobbies and interest of mine might help
Might take some of the pain away… or make me forget for a while

But I'm thankful… thankful for many things
That I got the chance to meet her
That she got to be once mine, and I hers
The memories
The happiness
The inspirations and motivations
The love
I'm thankful she came into my life

I am confused why it should happen
I guess God knows best
His plan is perfect
This may look bad now… I may be down now…
But I believe the future is bright
It was God's promise
Yes, it's going to be a long time before I can recover…
Before my heart will mend
Before the pain and loneliness will disappear
Before all will be forgotten
A long time…
But I know Best Friend JC is with me… to comfort me
The Man Upstairs is looking after me
And the Holy Ghost will guide me
With Him… I put my trust…
I surrender all my worries to him… now I surrender this heartbreak to Him
The Big Guy will get me through

And as I pray each night since my girlfriend and I broke up:

Lord,
I am thankful for letting me meet her
And for the love between us
It was good while it lasted
Now she's gone
I do not know why it should happen
I do not really understand
Maybe, I was so in love with her that she was beginning to be an "idol"
And I love her more than I should love you
Maybe that's why you took her away from me
(If that is the case, I am sorry, God…)
I do not know the true reason, but I put my trust in You
That You know what is the best for us
I do not know what will happen from now
I am still confused and brokenhearted
Help me to get through this heartbreak
Please, ease the pain
I might not be his boyfriend anymore, and she not anymore my girlfriend…
But she is Your daughter
And I pray You will always be with her
To guide and comfort her
Please give her the True Happiness and the True Love that you - not I - can only give
I still love her, God…
If this is a "true" one, help me to hang on
And help me to be a good friend to her
I trust in You to take care of this
I surrender this matter in Your hands
In the name of Jesus Christ, the true Author of True Love…
Amen.

Read More

COMPLAINING ABOUT COLLEGE

I do not really like college. I am about four months in college right now. But I still do not like it. A lot of things are bothering me. And I feel a bit lonely in college. I think I regret taking my course. I still do not like my course, how much I tried.

My course in college is BS Accountancy, and the university has pretty high standards here. I have to get at least a 2.4 grade to pass. It seems easy, but it's not. I have to admit it; my performance in school is not really excellent. Maybe I am just too lazy… since I am like this in high school. I never developed good studying habits. I guess I am anxious if I will be able to get a 2.4 every semester and be able to keep on studying Accounting.

In our first day, our Accounting teacher made us write an essay why we took up Accountancy. My essay goes like this: "Food, Entertainment, Music and Literature are the things that I love and interest me most in life. But I believe I will be able to have something to do with these things in my life, even though I will not take a course that deals with them, so I decided to take another course - that is not related to them. I decided to take Accountancy because of four reasons. First, it is the hardest course to pass for in this university. I want to try how far can I go. Second, I am very weak with numbers, and I want to improve. Third, I want to continue the legacy of my mother, who finished Business Administration Major in Accounting in this university, but did not get the chance to take the board exam. And Fourth, it is the same course that my girlfriend took…"

Another thing that bothers me… after we entered college, my girlfriend and I seem to become distant. One major thing why I did not choose to go to UP Los Banos to take up Com Sci (Yes, I passed the UPCAT) is because I do not want to be far from her. But now, there seems to be a gap. There seems to be a sudden coldness. She seems to avoid me. We never talk. The only time we were able to talk in college was on my birthday and one week before the intrams. Texting is rarer than talking. Maybe it's all this studying… but I believe there is something more. If anyone ask her if we are still on, she replies "Ewan (I do not know)." I don't understand. I tried to ask her why, but her reply was "ewan", too. I can let her go if that is what is the best for her and it will make her happy. Even if it means I ending up brokenhearted - so be it. I hope she answer my questions. This matter really needs to be resolve. It's kind of lonely, you know…
I really love her… (Hell, I hate when it when I am sentimental)

Damn Poverty! It really is bad. That's another thing. Poverty is starting to sting. I only get enough for transportation. I used to have - at least - enough. I still et by… but I sure do hope my allowance increase. But I guess I should be thankful for the little amount I get. At least, it is still a blessing.

My health - as usual - is worrying me also. It may be psychological, but I think I am weaker now than back in high school. At least, I do not have any bad illness - at least something that I know of.

Anyway, I should always remember my motto "Hakuna Matata". God will take care of my worries. I trust the Big Guy. He'll get me through.

But I cannot help wondering why I am in college. College depresses me. I am not enjoying college like I did with high school. Then I remembered another thought - a thing that happened years ago.

My school back in Grade I was once located nearly at the same location where the college I am studying now stands… so I easily recollected that incident eleven years ago. The building of the college was under construction back then. When I was in Grade I, my mother fetched me every afternoon after school. My school was from morning to afternoon. In the morning that day, my teacher suddenly announced that classes are suspended that afternoon. Well, the morning class ended and one by one, my classmates - then my teacher - left. I was left alone. Then it struck me; my mother has no way of learning the announcement that classes for the afternoon are suspended. Then I cried since I do not know what to do. It was lunchtime and I cannot bring myself to stop crying and eat my lunch. I was famished. Then suddenly, I caught the attention of two beautiful college girls (they were beautiful for me since they have beautiful hearts). They asked what was wrong, and I told them about it. They calmed me down and offered to take me to my mother. I stopped crying and agreed. I told them how to get to my mother's place of work; I have no way of going there alone since I still cannot go alone back then and besides, I have no money (never had allowance until Grade III). Well, they took me there and my mother was surprised to see me as the girls explained what happened. My mother thanked them and treated them some lunch. They politely refused since they explained that they have a test in the afternoon, and judging from the distance from the school and my mother's workplace, they are already late. They quickly said their good-byes then left.

As I think of them now, maybe they were Accountancy students and were at risk of missing a test..., which is terrible for an Accounting student. Anyway, Accountancy students or not, I am thankful for them. They sacrificed their lunch… and maybe their grades because of missing or being late for that test. That was a big thing for me, and I carried that memory all through out elementary and high school. I will never see those girls again and even if I do, I will never remember their faces. I can never give them back a favor. Each time I think of that moment, any cynicism in me melts.

And as I remembered that, my dislike for college lessens. Yes, I still don't like college… but I think it is going to be okay. Maybe, good things will come my way in college. I might lose my girlfriend or fail in Accountancy or any other bad things may happen… but I will not allow that to stop me. Now I am in college. Maybe the only thing I can repay back those two girls who helped me years ago, is to try to do to others what they did to me. Maybe I have to start thinking less about myself 9and my anxieties) and more for others… like what those college students did for me years ago.

That memory, I will keep for a lifetime… and I hope I can give someone the same kind of memory I got. Maybe that's why I am in college…

Read More

THOUGHTS ON MUSIC / PLAYING MUSIC

Most people nowadays like music, though interests on what type vary. Yes, one way or another, we are influenced by music. It has been very popular since ancient times. As an art, a tool and as source of entertainment, music has played those parts well.

As the time passes, music evolves. And new genres of music was born as the times goes by. And ordinary people with no formal music training can enjoy playing and making music nowadays.

Popular music changes, from classical, to folk, to jazz, to rock n' roll, to pop, to R & B… It has continuously, and still, changing.

Though changes are not always for the good. As David Scruton said in his article "The Song Is Ended - analysis of pop music today" published in National Review in September, 2002, "Rhythm machines, synthesizers, and mixing have changed the sound, filling up the holes in the music and making a continues background carpet in place of the measured stepping stones of the twelve-bar blues. But the raw materials are the same. Every now and then someone hits on a melody and finds a group of teenagers to mouth it. Subtract the work of the engineers, however, and the tune will turn out to have been done to death in several previous incarnations."

Sadly, I agree with this guy. Computers has been replacing musicians. And hip-hops are guilty of this. I am not saying that the lowest type of music is the rap and hip-hop R & B and other made by the hip-hop kind. I still appreciate some of their music. But music made by computers are cold. Those who use only computers to create music for the vocals are missing the point in music. Sadly, still, this kind of music is the most popular type nowadays. And music is beginning to be nothing but a technical wizardry. I appreciate more the kind music that are made by true musicians; from bands.

But I have complains, too, in punk rock bands. Again, I am not saying that I don't like punk rock and think of it as the lowest kind of music. But sometimes, punk music has been rather monotonous, simple and noisy. All you need to do this kind of music is a heavily distorted guitar and a fast drumming and rolling drummer, and you have yourself punk rock. However, punk rock has some merits, I have to admit.

To the other type of music, well, I am glad that this kind of music still exists. To other kind of rock, like slow rock, rock n' roll, pop rock and alternative, I have not much complains. Jazz and Blues are still among the highest kind. Pop, well, pop nowadays are mixing with rock or hip-hop, and I prefer the pop that affiliates with rock. Classical maybe old-fashioned but they are still great. Country or folk is fine. Reggae is popular again nowadays, but no complains from me. Well, there are other kinds, more, and I appreciate them, too.


It's still up to you what you think about music, and what kind you prefer. But we should not stop with good music, we should also look into the lyrics. It is positive or negative. Wholesome or evil. Constructive or destructive. And it can sometimes be dangerous. Music is a great gift from God. Music is very influential. Very powerful. And as Spider-Man says, "With great power comes great responsibility."

* * *

I love music. Yes, I listen to most kind of music. Hearing music makes me feel good. Especially, if I am the one who makes the music.

I am blessed to play some musical instruments, and I am thankful for that. But what I really love to play most is the guitar. Acoustic and electric. I love both kinds. And playing with a band or playing alone does not matter to me. I just love all about guitars.

I remembered how I decided to play the guitar. It was years ago, and I was on my late elementary. I prayed a prayer to God. I asked God that if He gave me the talent to play the guitar, I promised to use it for His glory.

Well, after I self-taught myself to play the guitar (after many blisters), I finally found myself one day that I can play the guitar. But I did not stop there, I continue to self-study and practice, and as time goes by, I found myself improving and improving.

Well, I kept my promise to God. I dedicated the talent to Him. For Him first, before personal interest. Though, I also played outside church activities, like in some gigs and in some school activities, but my priorities are on God first. I'm lucky that my band mates also have the same perceptions as mine. Yes, we sometimes play outside church activities, but we put God first.

I'm thankful for my musical gift. For the chances given unto me. And the exposures, yes, I am having more fun playing for the glory of God than if I used it for playing for my personal glory. And I'm thankful for the rewards. Any personal gain or glory I got from my talent, I thank Him.

In the back of my acoustic guitar, I put a sticker to remind me of my promise. It says, "Jesus First. Time, Talent, Treasure" (Matt. 6:33). It reminds me of my promise years ago.

I love playing musical instruments, especially the guitar. And what I love to do, I want to share and dedicate to those I love. And I'm telling you, that any hobbies, interest, works, etc. that we love to do, we should do it for those we love - not for our personal interests. And I hope that at the top of the list of those we love, is the One who loves us so much.

"Jesus First. Time, Talent, Treasure"

Read More

"NO SUCH THING AS NONSENSE..."

I once reacted to something (which I forget what it is) and said, "That's a lot of nonsense." A friend gave her opinion; "There is no such thing as nonsense, only close to nonsense." My puzzled look may have prompted another friend to explain to me that, "A person may find a thing nonsense, but to another person it may be full of sense." I weakly smiled and nodded my reply to show comprehension... it made sense.
You see, we are all unique. We all have different opinions and different things that we value. Music to one, may be noise to another. A treasure of one may be trash to another. An art for one may be eyesore for the other. A touching story to one may be full of crap for another. And ever heard the statement, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?
So, I guess we all have to respect each other since we find things about us varying. Philosophies, religion, politics, values, etc. of people vary. Respect is needed for harmony. I guess, this is one reason why there is a lot of conflict in this world… because they do not respect that one thing they find a lot of nonsense made a lot of sense to other people.
I do not know about you… You find it full of "nonsense" but for me, what was said made sense…

Read More

HAKUNA MATATA

Hakuna Matata is my motto. And reading this statement, "Hakuna Matata is not fit for us humans…" in the last page of our high school yearbook made me a little irritated (I will hunt down the one who wrote that in the yearbook). But my irritation grew to amusement (I will not hunt down the writer after all). It seems Hakuna Matata is not fully comprehended; its meaning not really understood.
Our life is short, but beautiful. And we need to get the best out of it. God wants us to enjoy the Life. And God knows what is the best in for us. That's why we must surrender all to Him - our lives, our plans, our anxieties, worries, problems, fears - all of it. He promised to take care of those things. He promised to take care of us and never forsake us. "If God is with us, who can be against us?"
I fully trust the Man Upstairs. He has never let me down. For years, the motto Hakuna Matata really worked for me. I let God take care of my worries, since I surrendered my life to Him. Yes, sometimes the problems do not really disappear but God gives me strength and comfort. "No worries…"
I truly believe that I cannot get on with life without the Man Upstairs helping me. I trust him to take care of my life, my future, and me.
Hakuna Matata… it means no worries, for the rest of your days. It is not only applicable to Timon, Pumba and Simba, but also to us humans (contradicting that writer in our yearbook). It is very fit for humans, or rather - not all humans - but to those who surrendered their lives to the Lord.

Read More