Top 10 Reasons this 2012-13 NBA Season Has Been My Worst Season as an LA Lakers Fan Ever

I am an LA Lakers fan.  No matter how humbling and disappointing this past season turn out to be for Lakerdom, I proudly hold my head high to be identified as such.  

I have confidence that we’ll be back on top again someday.  It might take a few seasons.  But I have no doubt that it’s going to happen. 

Nonetheless, to say that this season isn’t heartbreaking would be a lie.  It has been.  But I guess it’s just goes with the territory of a fan investing much love on his favorite team.  I consider the start of the 1999-2000 Season as the beginning of my official die-hard Laker fandom, and since then, this season has been the worst I’ve ever experienced.  Here are the reasons why:

10.) LEBRON JAMES AND THE HEAT ARE ON THEIR WAY TO ANOTHER CHAMPIONSHIP

 

Of course, as a Kobe and Lakers fan, there’s a feeling of slight envy for LeBron and the Heat.  Kobe and the Lakers had a dreadful failed season while LeBron and the Heat are in the best position to win the a back-to-back championship.  Ugh.  To be honest, I root against the Heat harder than I root against the Celtics.  Just can’t help disliking that team.  If the Pacers can’t beat the Heat, I root for either the Warriors or Grizzlies (my bets after the elimination of the Lakers) to destroy them in the Finals.

Nonetheless, there’s no denying that LeBron is the hands down, unanimous choice for best player in the NBA right now.  His stats and game are out-of-this-world phenomenal.  It’s either: a) he’s juiced with performance enhancing drugs, or b) he’s just fate’s choice to be the King of Kings of Basketball.  As a Kobe fan, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth to see that this time had come: LeBron has overwhelmingly surpassed my hero Kobe Bryant.  Still, as a basketball fan, you have no choice but to be awed by LeBron James right now.  I will be rooting against him nonetheless.  Unless this happens next year…

9.) WINLESS PRE-SEASON

For the first time in franchise history, the Lakers didn’t win a single game during the pre-season.  Of course, pre-season records are meaningless but this is the Los Angeles Lakers we’re talking about!  Besides, no team in the history of the game has ever won a championship after being winless in the pre-season. 

The pre-season was a frightening premonition on what season was laid ahead for the Lakers.    

8.) NO CHAMPIONSHIP

 

Everyone knows the high expectations in Laker Nation.  Any season short of a championship is a failure.  That’s a cliché in Lakerdom.  But the “failure” of this season goes beyond that.  With having such a roster of All-Stars, everybody expected the Lakers to be in title contention.  However, the Lakers had spent the considerable amount of the season below .500 that to just make the playoffs became the new team objective instead of the championship. 

(For this item on the list, I choose to use a picture of Kobe and Pau after winning a championship.  Because I greatly miss those happy, glorious days.)    

7.) MIKE D’ANTONI OVER PHIL JACKSON

 

After leading the Lakers to the first ever winless pre-season in franchise history and a 1-4 start into the regular season, Mike Brown was rightfully fired.  Everybody was expecting the return of Phil Jackson as head coach.  The fans were excitedly waiting for the expected announcement of the hiring.  Even Phil thought the negotiations were going there.      

Then the hiring of Mike D’Antoni came out of nowhere.  And the Lakers management did it in such a way that was seemingly disrespectful to Jackson that any goodwill for possible future return is badly damaged, if not totally obliterated already.     

D’Antoni proved to be not much of an upgrade over Mike Brown.  He failed to create any form of effective team chemistry.  There was no efficient usage of personnel.  It seems he was stubbornly imposing his own system without taking into consideration the capabilities of his players.  He was uncompromising to necessary adjustments, as dictated by common sense.  He was emotional – his negative emotions doing harm than good.  And the Lakers continued to fall, even dropping to eight games below .500 at one time – a difficult hole to climb back to. 

Sure, D’Antoni was able to formulate a workable system (at least, on offense) later on.  Kobe Bryant as primary facilitator and ball handler (contrary to the initial Steve Nash) was a moderate success.  Lakers were able to claw themselves back to .500 and eventually into contention for a playoff spot.  But D’Antoni had to rely heavily on Kobe Bryant to drag the team there (which will have severe consequences later on). 

To be fair, D’Antoni had his moments.  Take for example:

This trick play he drafted was brilliant!  My favorite D’Antoni moment of the season.     

But overall, I am disappointed with him.  I never had the feeling that he was a good coach for the Lakers.  I felt no sympathy towards him during the awkward “We want Phil!” incident in Shaq’s number retirement ceremony.  If I was there, I would have chanted with the crowd myself.  

6.) THIS COULD PROBABLY BE KOBE AND PAU’S LAST SEASON TOGETHER

 

The Lakers’ Game 4 elimination at the hands of the Spurs could be Kobe and Pau’s last moment as Lakers teammates.  And, it sucks.  Heck, they weren’t even playing together (with Kobe injured and in street clothes)! 

Pau has emerged as one of my most favorite Lakers ever.  He was significantly instrumental in the Lakers’ return to glory (post-Shaq).  It was a lot of fun watching Kobe and Pau winning championships together.  The Kobe and Pau tandem has been thrilling and wonderful.  One of my best moments as a Laker fan. 

Pau remaining with the Lakers is unlikely.  The most logical move for the Lakers, businesswise and teamwise, is to trade Pau for valuable team pieces or cap relief (leaving room to acquire other pieces). That is, if Dwight Howard decides to re-sign with the Lakers. Of course, if D12 chooses to leave, the Lakers management would be fools if they still trade Pau.  It is also possible that the Lakers will choose to risk it for another season and still keep Pau even after D12 re-signs.  That possibility is just slight though.         

I would have wanted for Kobe and Pau’s last game to be an epic one – either it’s a championship clinching game or of them going down in a blaze of glory.  That game against the Spurs was not it.

I knew there would come a time when Kobe and Pau would have their last season together as teammates.  But not like this.  Considering that this was…

5.) PAU’S WORST SEASON IN HIS CAREER

Pau’s career stats:

Clearly, the past season’s – most notably, offensively – has been the most inferior.  He had career lows in FG% and points per game and he missed a lot of games due to injury.  And, thus, it’s one of the main reasons the Lakers have failed to become a dangerous, elite team this year. 

 

4.) SWEPT IN THE FIRST ROUND

 

The Lakers was one of the first two teams to make a playoff exit.  The Bucks is the other one.  Both of them got swept.  (As of writing, the Celtics and Rockets, however, have just emerged victorious from their Game 5 battles in their respective opponents’ home floor, extending their series to a Game 6 after falling to a 0-3 start!)      

This season marked the first time in my years as a Lakers fan that the LA Lakers got swept in the first round.    

I thought that the Lakers, even with no Kobe, were in good position in upsetting the Spurs.  But injuries overwhelming the Lakers’ already weak depth and Popovich outcoaching D’Antoni just destroyed all hope of it happening.      

Ah, injuries and D’Antoni – the two primary reasons of the Lakers’ downfall this season. 

3.) DEATH OF JERRY BUSS

The magnitude of this season’s failure is increased when we put into the mixture the fact that it was during this season that the great and legendary Dr. Jerry Buss passed away.  It feels like it’s dishonoring his memory that this season would end up becoming one of the worst in Lakers’ history (and the worst in my time as a Laker fan). 

Dr. Buss made the Lakers what it is today – the most premium property in the NBA.  He was a visionary.  He associated the Lakers with the glitz and glamour of Hollywood.  He made sure that when you come into a Lakers game, you would have an unforgettable experience.  He made a Lakers game more than an NBA basketball game.  He also made it a Hollywood experience – celebrities, quality half time shows, Lakers girls, and an environment of first-class entertainment.  But more than these things, what’s more important is he shaped the Lakers into having the identity of champions.  Division banners are not hanged at all, only championship banners are worth hanging.  He doesn’t care how much money he spends as long as it brings the necessary talent in helping the team to win that championship.  Each season that’s how it goes.  Thus, the “any season without a championship is a failure” attitude of Lakerdom.      

With Dr. Buss’ death, there is reason for anxiety for the Lakers’ future.  Under Dr. Buss, Lakers fans trust that the owner would do all things necessary in his power to keep the Lakers winning.  With his passing, his unproven son, Jim, is now fully in charge.  Jim has big shoes to fill.  And I don’t trust him yet.  I can’t feel him having the same passion and vision as his father had.   However, I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt and will just wait and see in the next seasons.  But the only time my uneasy feeling towards him would entirely fade is if a championship team and reign happen during his time as Lakers owner.  

2.) IT HAD BEEN FRUSTRATINGLY, DISAPPOINTINGLY HUMILIATING

 

Every Laker fan was blown away when they were assembled during the off-season… Steve Nash, Kobe Bryant, Metta World Peace, Pau Gasol, and Dwight Howard.  It was like the coming together of the Avengers (or Justice League).  Those names, on paper, make one of the strongest, if not strongest, Starting 5 in Lakers history!  Everyone has been an All-Star at least one time.  Two had been MVPs.  Two had been Defensive Player of the Year.  Four are probably future Hall of Famers.  The championship was almost already in the bag. 

Every Laker fan couldn’t wait for the season to start.  Lakerdom was feeling very, very high. 

Thus, the ensuing fall and crash from that high height have been tremendously hard.  Injuries and lack of chemistry destroyed the perception that this team would easily win the championship.  It’s as if for every game they win, they lose three.  The regular season’s presumed “walk-in-a-park” path to the championship became a “trench-warfare” crawl for a playoff spot.  The Lakers eventually managed to finish with an okay 45-37 record, enough for the 7^thplayoff spot in the West.  However, they weren’t able to win a single game in the post-season (See number 4).   

Great were the euphoria and boasting at the start; therefore, great were the disappointment and humiliation in the end.         

1.) KOBE’S ACHILLES INJURY

 

Bringing Steve Nash (and Dwight Howard) in should have made life easier for Kobe Bryant.  But what happened this season was quite the opposite.  D’Antoni’s system was not working.  Thus, instead of relying on Steve Nash to be the primarily ball handler and distributor, as what the logical thing should have been, Kobe Bryant was forced to assume this role to carry the Lakers.  Thus, even with Nash and Howard in the team, it’s the same old story with the Lakers: Kobe need to dominate the ball in order for them to win.    

And carried the team he did.  The Lakers was way behind for the last playoff spot, but Kobe guaranteed that the Lakers will make the playoffs.  With his legendary heart and will, Kobe played through.  Refusing to rest, even if his age requires it.  He played heavy minutes – and even the entire game during late in the season.  His offense – finding balance between facilitating and scoring – dragged the Lakers in making his guarantee happen. 

But at what cost? 

Through the years, Kobe Bryant has continually shown his amazing grit and will in pushing his body limits – even playing through injuries that would have sidelined many of his peers and juniors.  And it was almost a sure thing that a time would come when his body would finally give out on him and say, “I had enough” – forcing him into a much needed rest that his body has been wanting.  That is exactly what eventually happened this season.  And it’s one of the worst kinds, if not the worst, of injury that could happen – a torn Achilles. 

In their last game with the Warriors (which they have won), Kobe would get fouled and would tore his Achilles tendon.  Still, despite the pain, he sank his two free-throws first before being assisted off the court – walking!  Let me repeat that: a torn Achilles tendon, he still chose to do his free throws (which he made) before leaving the game, and then chose to wobbly walk to the lockers instead of opting for a wheel chair.  (probably because it would look demeaning if he did and his pride won’t allow it).  What a badass.  It was a heartbreaking and inspiring sight.  Fans felt a mixture of pride and sadness for the Black Mamba.  Here’s the man, who gave his all for his beloved team, the Lakers.  And they said Kobe is selfish, only thinking of himself. 

Rehabilitation from an Achilles injury would require six to nine months, or possibly even longer.  And no one who “recovered” from such an injury has been the same.  Those who had come back from it experienced a significant drop from the prior quality of their game.  Of course, this is Kobe we’re talking about – he’s not most athletes.  He might even come back better than ever.  Nonetheless, to worry that he would no longer play in an elite level when he returns is valid.  That is, if he returns at all.  Yes, the damage from this injury forcing Kobe into retirement is also a scary possibility.        

I was hoping that this injury would fuel and ignite his team to win the championship.  But this was wishful thinking in my part.  With no championship to show for it, Kobe’s injury has been more frustratingly pointless.

In the end, to nurture the bitter frustration in my heart won’t help me or Kobe or the Lakers.  Thus, what’s left for me to do is to continually pray for Kobe’s speedy recovery – a recovery that would bring him back better than ever, to lead the Lakers to another championship.  And that championship will definitely be sweeter because of all of these.               

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2012 in Review (Part 4): Highs and Lows As a Sports Fan

This January, for my traditional reviewing of the previous year, I will be writing a series of articles that would recap or evaluate some (if I have the time, then all) of the highlights of 2012 that involved, concerned, compelled, and/or fascinated me… this is the fourth part…

2012 was an Olympic year.   And as usual, United States and China dominated.

The Olympics, however, is not the biggest sports story of 2012 that I cared for most.  The following mattered to me more than the Olympics:    

The Rock returned to Wrestlemania to bring the whuppin’ to John Cena’s candy ass.

Linsanity! 

After getting cheated by the judges with his fight with Bradley, Pacman, on his next match – his fourth meeting with Marquez – would suffer the most devastating loss of his career.    

But above all of these, what affected me most is the dramatic rise and fall of morale in Lakerdom…

 

After failing to capture the championship this 2012, falling to the Thunder in the second round of the playoffs, the Lakers management was able to acquire Dwight Howard and Steve Nash during the offseason.  Everybody in Laker Nation was ecstatic.  I was ecstatic.  At last, the Lakers are back on being dangerous title contenders.  In fact, the championship was almost a guarantee with this new Laker superteam.  Every Laker fan was floating on cloud 9.

The regular season, however, brought Laker Nation crashing to the ground.  The team proved to lack chemistry.  They were not dominating as expected, but were losing instead.  Mike Brown got fired as coach.  Then Lakers hire Mike D’Antoni.  Still, even with D’Antoni, the team ended the year with a mediocre 15-15 record.    

(As I write this, Lakers continue to fall this January, winning only 2 games so far.  With each loss, as the Lakers go further down .500, a playoff berth continues to grow dim, a championship’s now almost an impossibility.  The Lakers currently have an abysmal record of 17-25.)

               

A Laker turnaround this 2013 is unlikely, but still possible.  And as a Laker fan, I hold on to this hope. 

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RE: Superior Spider-Man (Or "Why Peter Parker Should Remain As Spider-Man")

As part of Marvel NOW! – my thoughts on which I’ve already shared a while back – Spider-Man is going to undergo a very big change.  Spider-Man’s flagship comicbook, The Amazing Spider-Man, is going to end with its 700^th issue, which will come out this late December.  It’s going to be replaced with Superior Spider-Man, its first issue coming out this upcoming January.  Something will happen in Amazing #700 that will change the Spider-Man we know of.  He’s no longer going to be the carefree, happy-go-lucky, wisecracking hero that we love.  The Superior Spider-Man is going to be a no-nonsense Spidey.  Grittier.  Darker.  And more powerful.     

Moreover, it is confirmed that this Superior Spider-Man IS NO LONGER Peter Parker.

 

(Sigh)

This was my worst fear, as I’ve already mentioned in the article of my initial thoughts on Marvel NOW! 

 First of all, what’s up with replacing “Amazing” with “Superior”?!  I don’t dig “Superior” as the adjective for Spidey at all.  The adjective “amazing” has already become Spidey’s iconic description.  Moreover, “amazing” is a throwback to the comic book which Spidey first appeared, Amazing Fantasy (formerly Amazing Adult Fantasy).  “Amazing” is cool and sensible.  “Superior” is obnoxious!      

 

Second, Spider-Man is not the dark, serious type of superhero at all.  It’s not what makes this character special.  If I want a dose of a gritty, brooding superhero, I would go check out Batman.  But with Spider-Man, I expect warm wit and humor. 

There are talks that this Superior Spider-Man is going to be Miguel O’Hara – the Spider-Man of the year 2099.  Now, Spider-Man 2099 was indeed awesome and I’m actually cool with Agritty, serious Spider-Man like Miguel O’Hara a.k.a. Spider-Man 2099 or the current Scarlet Spider identity of the Spidey clone Kaine.  I emphasize “A” there since I mean it as far as a version of Spider-Man is concerned.  But making THE [main] Spider-Man gritty and serious?  No way!  Again, being gritty is NOT what makes THE Spider-Man.

Being a witty smartass is an integral part, not only of Spidey’s character, but of his arsenal, as well.  Humor has been both a weapon to psych out opponents and a defense mechanism in dealing with all the antagonisms and problems he constantly experiences both in his personal and superhero life.  His humor – along with his strong sense of moral responsibility and conviction – helps him in having a positive outlook in life in spite of all the rotten things that fate throws at him. 

Which leads me to the third and most important point: Stan Lee created and designed Spider-Man to constantly wrestle with personal problems and dilemmas, whether big or small, that normal people experience so that we might perfectly relate to him and, thus, be inspired by him.  Because despite of being constantly bombarded with problems, Spidey never gives up being a hero.  He continually lives out his motto of “With great power comes great responsibility.”  He always selflessly and bravely chooses to do the right thing, regardless of what’s the effect of this – even if it’s harmful or painful – on himself, or if he’ll be appreciated for it or not.  He courageously makes a stand for good even against immense odds or threats.  When he is knocked down, he will stand up and continue to fight.  He is tempted and discouraged – because he’s human after all – but he overcomes in the end.  And throughout all these struggles, he remains cheerful and positive in life.                     

Therefore, it is imperative that Peter Parker should be Spider-Man, because it is Peter Parker who has these necessary characteristics that makes the Spider-Man character great and inspirational!!!  If Peter Parker is no longer Spider-Man, how can we relate to and be inspired by the character?!  Spider-Man is Peter Parker, and Peter Parker is Spider-Man.  That should be the formula and the status quo forever!       

Yes.  Spider-Man has inspired me.   That’s why I really value this comic book character greatly, that this “Superior Spider-Man” reboot – especially replacing Peter Parker –  hurts me and makes me mad.  At least, when Ben Reilly temporarily replaced Peter Parker as Spider-Man back in the late 90’s (during the Clone Saga), the vital personality and values of a Peter Parker remained intact with Spider-Man since Ben Reilly, being a clone, was still technically a Peter Parker.     

Moreover, it gets worse…

So it seems Spider-Man and Mary Jane is going back as a couple.  Only that is, Superior Spder-Man is not Peter Parker anymore.  And since it’s no longer Peter Parker, what’s the sense now?  It only pisses me more that after that stupid “One More Day” storyline brought Pete and MJ apart, there is no more chance of bringing them back together (or, at least, a reunion delayed indefinitely).  Seeing this new Spider-Man freely kissing Pete’s MJ is so heartbreaking.        

I’m praying those guys at Marvel would realize how stupid this Superior Spider-Man concept is;  that after a few months of Superior Spider-Man recording poor sales, they would decide to cancel it and bring us The Amazing Spider-Man back with Peter Parker returning as the one-and-only Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man.  

Before I end this, let me give my theories on who this Superior Spider-Man could be…

a.) Miles Morales

I actually don’t like when the Peter Parker of the Ultimate (Earth-1610) universe died.  But I’m not really that mad since it wasn’t the main continuity after all (Earth-616) and tons of popular characters – Wolverine, Daredevil, Cyclops, etc. – had died in the Ultimate universe, too.  Moreover, Miles Morales, who has replaced Peter as Spidey in the Ultimate universe, has been an entertaining Ultimate Spider-Man so far.  Now, could it be that Marvel has decided that Miles Morales (but Caucasian and adult in this universe) should be the Spider-Man of the Earth-616 main continuity as well?   Moreover, what does the conclusion of Spider-Men (the comicbook min-series this year in which the Earth-616 Peter Parker and Earth-1610 Miles Morales met, and marking the first time the two Marvel Universes interacted with each other) mean?  After returning to the 616 universe, Pete googles “Miles Morales” and is shocked by what he found...    

Was this a hint for Superior Spider-Man?         

b.) Miguel O’Hara

 This teaser art for the “Age of Ultron” event implies that “Age of Ultron” significantly involves Superior Spider-Man.  

Thus, since Ultron has connection with future timelines, it’s a strong possibility that Miguel O’ Hara will time travel to the present to become the new Spider-Man.  Also, take notice of the fingers of Spidey… it appears to be the retractable talons that Miguel O’ Hara a.k.a Spider-Man 2099 has.   

       

c.) Someone possessing Peter Parker’s body

In the current Amazing storyline, Doctor Octpus has been able to switch bodies with Spider-Man.  Now, Marvel is being stupid with this Superior Spider-Man development, but I don’t think they’re that stupid to indeed settle with Doc Ock possessing Pete’s body as the Superior Spider-Man.  However, the storyline established that the “body-switching” medium is available, thus, it could be that at the end of #700, someone else – a good guy and not Doc Ock – is led take over Pete’s body.  However, it won’t explain the “more powerful Spider-Man” element of Superior Spider-Man considering it’s the same original body after all.          

d.) Peter Parker

It’s still Peter and Marvel was just trolling us when they said that the Superior Spider-Man is no longer going to be Peter Parker.  Maybe what they mean by “not Peter Parker” is that Pete will just change his name and identity at the end of The Amazing Spider-Man #700.  Now, I like this theory best.  It’s unlikely though :,(   

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Chain of Thoughts: Let Me Rant... Because, Obviously, I'm Not OK

• There’s indeed something wrong with me.  So funny that just a few days ago, I have been extremely happy.  But just recently, this happiness was forcibly taken away from me.  As if Dementors sucked it off…

• So forgive my ranting.  I need this.  “Writing is therapy”, as I always say.

• What am I feeling right now?  Hmmm.  Sad.  Hurt.  Frustrated.  Disgusted.  Angry.  Self-pity.  Helpless.  Sick.  These emotions come in waves… one at a time or all at the same time.  Sometimes I succeed in stopping the flush of pains.  Sometimes, I fail.  I think I would not be exaggerating that among the heartbreaking things that happened in my life, this is the worst.  To be fair, God has saved  me from severe heartbreaks in life (Thank you, Lord.), so not much heartbreaks to compare this to.  Still, never been this sad before.

• Also, never been so angry like this before.  Rage boils inside.  It feels like I want to GRAB SOMEONE’S HAIR AND THEN SLAM THE HEAD OVER AND OVER AGAIN AGAINST THE WALL, BREAK THE SPINE LIKE A MATCHSTICK, AND THEN SLAM THE BODY ALL AROUND THE PAVEMENT LIKE A RAGDOLL!!!! RAAAAAAAWWWR!!!!

• The “somebody” I mentioned above doesn’t really mean a person.  Any anger I have on some people are fading, and any anger that I feel is mostly on the situation.  Yep, I want to beat something intangible like the situation into pulp as if it’s something tangible.  Irrational?  Yep.  Anger inspires a lot of irrationality.  Just as a raging Hulk would even pick a fight with the rain and lightning.

• It seems gratifying to be able to be like the Hulk, able to just let your rage explode and violently go berserk – screaming, smashing, and pulverizing.  The release could be the greatest cathartic satisfaction ever.  

• But it’s not the best way.  As a Christian, there should be no room for hate in my heart.  Indeed, I’ve been angry to some people… but the anger I have on them is fading (credit goes to the Holy Spirit).  But, again, there is still anger brewing in me.  Though it is not directed on people, the anger is still there.  It’s sort of fluctuating.  Sometimes it fades with the healing process.  But then, if reminded of my pain and situation – and how it led to this – the wounds are reopened and the anger returns again. Thus, as long as the pain exists, it will be now part of my daily struggles to overcome this anger each day.  May God help me.  I don’t want to have fed-up anger in me explode.

• I have always believed that having hate in my heart is hazardous to my own well-being.  I have to be careful about this anger in me.  According to Master Yoda, anger is one step away from hate and two steps away from suffering.

• That’s one good piece of wisdom.  I don’t want to ultimately go to the Dark Side.  So, really need to quench these negative emotions.  But again, as long as the pain is there, the anger will probably linger.

• Before it happened, I felt it in my bones that it was coming.  Thus, I prayed to God that I will be saved from pain.  But He didn’t.  I know He has a good reason… He always does.  Instead of letting it add to my frustrations, I reminded myself that even if God allowed it for me to experience this pain, I should be grateful that he saved me from the worst pain possible: an eternity in Hell.  There’s nothing more terrifyingly painful than the suffering in Hell.  And what’s a few days… weeks… months… and, even, years of pain in this world?  It might be a long time, but that’s no comparison to an eternity in Hell.  And for that – God saving me from that fate – makes me thankful. 

• And, yes, I believe that, someday, God will save me from this pain I experience now.

• Uh, sometimes, I too much concentrate on the bad things I experience.  I allow the pain to overwhelm me and blind me from the good things God has given me.  Because if you indeed compare the good with the bad, the good would always outweigh the bad.  Sorry, Lord.  I’m glad that You continue to sustain me.  Thank you for the hope that I have in You.  And thank you for giving me the knowledge that the Ultimate Joy can really be found in You alone.  Thus, this particular Joy of mine can’t be taken away from me like these other joys.

• Whenever I feel discouraged and hopeless, I sing this Switchfoot/Mandy Moore song to myself… really powerful and beautiful and encouraging words (my favorite parts are italized and bold): 

There's a song that's inside of my soul. 

It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again 

I'm awake in the infinite cold. 

But you sing to me over and over and over again. 

So, I lay my head back down. 

And I lift my hands and pray 

To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours 

I know now you're my only hope. 

Sing to me the song of the stars. 

Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again. 

When it feels like my dreams are so far 

Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again. 

So I lay my head back down. 

And I lift my hands and pray 

To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours 

I know now, you're my only hope. 

I give you my destiny. 

I'm giving you all of me. 

I want your symphony, singing in all that I am 

At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back. 

So I lay my head back down. 

And I lift my hands and pray 

To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours 

I pray, to be only yours 

I know now you're my only hope.  

• Beautiful song.  Always gives me pleasant goosebumps.  If I have a good voice, I will gladly sing it for you.  Indeed, my hope is in God.  A God that controls the Universe also controls my life.  And His wonderful plan for me will always carry perfectly into completion!  I should believe in this...

• I am not all pains and anger.  There are times I am able to detach – like before.  My personality before, I was hard to emotionally shaken.  I can’t be bothered by pain.  If I feel unfavorable emotions, my defenses easily disregard them.  Any misery I felt was undetermined because they were considered as irrelevant.  I maintain good emotional equilibrium because of this defense.  I couldn’t be hurt because didn’t care.  I didn’t care because I was apathetic.  But last year, my emotional barriers broke down, allowing myself to finally see a clear distinction between misery and happiness.  With defense gone, I began to care.  Thus, because I was caring, I was vulnerable to be bothered.  I was vulnerable to the pain brought by being hindered to be with the object I cared for. 

• But as I’ve said, there are times when something just clicks inside me and I detach from the pain and anger.  Once again dismissing the pain and anger as irrelevant.  Maybe the emotional defense mechanisms are kicking in once again.  Maybe the pain will be ignored once again, or at least, be made tolerable.    

• My mind does work weirdly (So does yours if you really ponder on it).  If the personalities start to “divide” again, then it means the aspects of my life are being made autonomous from each other again to isolate the aspects that are in pain from those that aren’t, so that the pain won’t be able to touch the healthy aspects.

• Gibberish to you?  Remember:  Ranting.  Therapy. 

• No.  I’m not going insane (yet).  Love is keeping me sane.

• For the record, I love her.  

• I hope I will get out of this undamaged – or at least fully recovered.  I hope after all of this, there will be no hidden bitterness or resentment in my heart.  I’m hoping this pain will make the joy of the future glorious.

• Gonna terribly miss those time we were free to be together. Villains won this round.  But someday Batman and Supergirl will fly together again.   

• May God help me through the next days.  

• For the time being that I’m waiting for a miracle, I will seek You first.  Because in the end, nothing else matters.  Even this pain won’t. 

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Loving The Lakers (Even When They Lose)

When you get to attach yourself emotionally with someone or something in this world too much, it will be very painful and heartbreaking when you lose them… or see them lose. I, being a loyal fan, had already been attached too much with the Los Angeles Lakers. I like the franchise, the team, the players and coaches – past and present – and the Laker girls. They are winners, and project their being winners. The Lakers is associated with Hollywood, glitz and glamour, prestige, entertainment, and Showtime. They are the most entertaining and most hyped team in the NBA. The credit probably goes to Dr. Jerry Buss for marketing the LA Lakers as such, that many grew to like them. For us Laker fans, the feeling is mutual.

It is always painful to see the Lakers lose, and cloud 9 when they win. I had started liking the Lakers after the Chicago Bulls years of Jordan, and the three-peat championships of 2000-2002 were happy years indeed. Then came the heartaches. The 2003 loss to the San Antonio Spurs was painful (especially when Robert Horry’s three came out of the basket in Game 5), after getting used to the Lakers as champions. The 2004 NBA Finals 4-1 loss to the Detroit Pistons was more so, since that was the season they were “destined” for it. Then they miss the 2005 playoffs, the first year without Shaquille O’Neal, it was very downgrading to us Laker fans. The 2006 loss to the Phoenix Suns was as painful as the 2004 Finals loss to the Pistons, the Lakers was ahead 3-1 but the Suns still beat them in seven (It is very bad feeling to have your emotions high, and then brought crashing to the ground). The 2007 loss to the Suns was not that painful though since I was not expecting much of the Lakers that season.

Then the 2007-2008 season came…
Before the season started, Kobe Bryant, the LA Lakers’ superstar, was already nagging at the LA Lakers’ front desk for improvements. In frustration, he asked of being traded. But the season started without him being traded, and the LA Lakers begun doing well. Andrew Bynum got injured and they start to lose again. Then came the most exciting trade in Lakers history, the trade for Pau Gasol for a player the home crowd boos (Kwame Brown), a rookie (Javaris Crittenton), and some draft picks… what a deal for the Lakers! I was elated. The Lakers finished first in the West, and Kobe became MVP – a great treat for us Lakers and Kobe fans.

I was glad to have the Lakers face the Denver Nuggets in the first round. To be honest, I was more worried of the Golden State Warriors (being able to beat the Lakers twice in the regular season, and has a record in knocking out a team in the first round) than the Nuggets. So when the Warriors was beaten by the Nuggets for eight place in the West, I was relieved. Well, as I expected, the Lakers never had a hard time – sweeping the Nuggets.

The next was the Utah Jazz. I also thought it was going to be a sweep, but it took six games to beat the Jazz.

The defending champion San Antonio Spurs were their opponents in the conference finals. I thought the series was going to be a dogfight, but the Lakers took them out in five. I know that Manu Ginobili is the key for the Spurs to win, so when Bryant and Sasha Vujacic shut him down, the Western Conference title was sure for the Lakers to win.

After more than twenty years, the LA Lakers and the Boston Celtics were on again in the NBA Finals – a classic rivalry renewed. A big marketing opportunity for the NBA, David Stern got his wish. The time of Jerry West’s Lakers vs. Bill Russell’s Celtics and the time of Magic Johnson’s Lakers vs. Larry Bird’s Celtics were not my time, but I know the feeling of rivalry was intense. Laker lovers hate the Celtics like they were from the devil. This Finals, I easily got the hang of it. Though I like Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett as players, I despised the Celtics.

But my Lakers lost to the Celtics in six games. It was very painful indeed. Much more painful than the previous losses of the Lakers in the past years. My hopes were high that this was the year that LA Lakers will win the championship again, but I was wrong. I am sportsman enough to admit the Celtic team – led by their Big Three – was the better team.

These are certainly dark days for us Laker fans. Heartbreaking indeed. But the fans and the team would rise again. If all goes well, the Lakers would be champions next year. “What does not kill you will make you stronger,” as Kobe Bryant's motto says. I hope this experience will make us stronger.

But I think the road back to the Finals will be harder next year for the Lakers. The Wild Wild West is getting wilder.

The Spurs are old, but I will still count them out yet. Though they are probably not title contenders next year, they’ll still be tough. So does the Suns.

Deron Williams is the Jazz’s future. Young as he is, I know he’s hungry for the gold. I see that on Chris Paul, too. I don’t think the New Orleans Hornets are one-hit wonders. I think the Jazz and the Hornets would still stand out next season.

The Houston Rockets will always be dangerous with Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady. I don’t know what’s wrong with Nuggets when they have Allen Iverson and Carmelo Anthony, and a proper system will make the team a contender. I can bet the Portland Trailblazers will make the playoffs next season, they did well this season, and with Greg Oden in their line-up next season…

The Warriors, the Dallas Mavericks, the Seattle Supersonics (with rookie-of-the-year Kevin Durant)… the West will be tougher all right.

But Andrew Bynum would be probably back next season to the Laker line-up. With Bynum, Gasol and Lamar Odom, and the rest of the excellent Laker roster that is led by the best player in the league, Kobe Bryant, they have a good chance to go back to the Finals.

I dream of a Kobe Bryant-LeBron James showdown in the Finals, but that could wait. I want the Celtics back in the Finals, too. I want revenge. I want the Lakers beat them the next time – better if it’s a sweep.

Enjoy the championship as much as you can, Celtics. If all goes well, the Lakers will win their 15th title next season; Kobe will win his regular dose of All-Star, All-NBA and All-Defensive Team First Team Selections, his 2nd Regular Season MVP, his 3rd All-Star MVP, a Defensive Player of the Year award, his 3rd scoring championship, and his first Finals MVP.

Win or lose, I will always love the Lakers. That is what love is all about, being there in the ups and downs.

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KNOCKED DOWN... BUT NEVER KNOCKED OUT.

Ludwig Von Beethoven.
The Master.
You should hear his masterpieces (got a tape cassette of them). Among the best of the best. He's a genius in composing of music - a true genius.
You see, Beethoven was deaf. Since he was young, he has begun to lose his hearing. And he completely lost his hearing by the time he was forty-eight - but five years later, he finished the awesome Ninth Symphony. He never heard it by ear. But he heard it in his heart and mind.
For a musician, losing your hearing is terrible. But that's what I admired about Beethoven. His deafness did not stop him loving the thing he loves - which is music. He loves music so much. He never allowed his deafness, or his other many problems (love life, social life, etc. read about it…), to stop him.
A true Master

* * *

Brewster M. Higley, M.D.
Composer of the song "My Western Home" or better known as "Home On The Range".
His life was tragic, too. Lost four wives. And he turned to alcohol n his depression. Poor miserable man.
But he moved on with his life. He went to the American Frontier - to be a pioneer out on Indian Country in Kansas. Yes, there were many dangers - Indians, snakes, prairie fire, heat, cold, plagues… you name it. Plus, the long distance from supplies and help.
But there he found solace. He found himself. He found a home. And found time to be awed by Nature and his surroundings and write a song about it. "Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and the skies are not cloudy all day…" Lovely.
He never allowed misery to completely beat him. He manage to compose a great song, as well as compose himself to stand up again after the pain of the past.
Well, he married again - for the fifth time - and lived happily ever after.
A true man of optimism.

* * *

Jon Bon Jovi's slow rock love songs are almost all about goodbyes and heartbreaks; the girl leaving, but him still loving her. Bed Of Roses, Always, I'll Be There For You… Song of goodbyes and heartbreaks.
It's all based on his experiences… those moving but lonely love songs. It seems a girl (or girls?) left him, but he still loves her loyally even with the pain he felt.
Cool guy. Never allowed the heartbreak to bring him completely down. He managed to do something constructive - he wrote love songs.
Like Beethoven and Higley, Bon Jovi was knocked down but never allowed himself to be completely knocked out. It's not only true to musicians. I could name other great people - like Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison - that failed, but did not allow themselves to be complete failures. They stood up and continued to fight - to win. Knocked down but never knocked out.

* * *

Why am I writing these?
Well, I was recently knocked down and barely did not made the ten counts.
I was - or rather, am - brokenhearted for the first time. The girl I love and I broke up in our relationship. And it was very painful.
But I managed to stand up again - still hurting, but ready to go on.
And like Beethoven, Higley and Bon Jovi, I am going to make some music.
I guess I am going to compose a new song - this is going to be my sixth composed song. I already have some music in my mind, and I'm sorting out the lyrics.
The song might be a lonely one… all about my feelings and emotions now, like pain and loneliness. I'll not only dedicate it to my ex, but also to the Beethovens, Higleys, Bon Jovis, Einsteins, Edisons, Lincolns, etc. of this world. Those guys who were knocked down, but stood up to continue the fight and never knocked out.

* * *

And I'll dedicate it to God, too, like all the songs, secular and worship, I composed. This song might not be a worship song to Him (maybe I'll make one for Him, too) but its' also dedicated to him because. He's the one who lifts me up when I'm knocked down, encourages me to keep on fighting, and promised, that with Him, I will never be knocked out.

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BREAKUP... BROKENHEARTED... BREAKING DOWN...

Brokenhearted
That is my state today
My girlfriend, my high school sweetheart, broke up with me
I was a bit ready for it, but it was still painful
I love her so much
Yes, I was prepared to let her go if that's the best
And I have to let her go
But it's painful
It was like seeing the Los Angeles Lakers lose
Only a hundred times more painful (that's the best description I can give)
It's my first time to be brokenhearted
And I find it really painful
Hellishly painful

I call her the "Luv Of My Lyf"
She's beautiful
Her character matches her beauty
Has a good heart
Talented
Intelligent
But most of all, I love her'
And that what really matters
I love her for what she is

She was sorry it had to happen (me too!)
But I guess she's right to prioritize many important things and let go of me
At least, she was honest
And although she is gone, as a lover…
She's still my friend - I'm still glad of that

It's both joyful and sad when I think about the bittersweet memories we shared
I'll always love the dances we shared
The times we're together…
Especially when we go home from school
It was fun to be with her
All about her was fun
Now it's over

As to date, this is the lowest point of my life
Yes, I still have my happy and carefree nature (Thank God!)
But there's loneliness and pain in my heart
And melancholy and depression comes once in a while
I'm glad I still find sources of comfort
To be thankful and happy
Reading literature and playing music lifts my spirit when I am down
But the pain was too much…
It's been days after the breakup before I could pick up my guitar or read a book
I'm glad I can do those things now - takes a bit of the pain away
Food helps, too. Food is always there when you need it
Entertainment - yeah - will do, too
TV, PC, movies, Internet, games, jokes, fun… good things that makes you forget
And I can turn to drawing… to practice to draw again… to learn…
Writing is always good as well as therapeutic… that's what I'm doing now
And other hobbies and interest of mine might help
Might take some of the pain away… or make me forget for a while

But I'm thankful… thankful for many things
That I got the chance to meet her
That she got to be once mine, and I hers
The memories
The happiness
The inspirations and motivations
The love
I'm thankful she came into my life

I am confused why it should happen
I guess God knows best
His plan is perfect
This may look bad now… I may be down now…
But I believe the future is bright
It was God's promise
Yes, it's going to be a long time before I can recover…
Before my heart will mend
Before the pain and loneliness will disappear
Before all will be forgotten
A long time…
But I know Best Friend JC is with me… to comfort me
The Man Upstairs is looking after me
And the Holy Ghost will guide me
With Him… I put my trust…
I surrender all my worries to him… now I surrender this heartbreak to Him
The Big Guy will get me through

And as I pray each night since my girlfriend and I broke up:

Lord,
I am thankful for letting me meet her
And for the love between us
It was good while it lasted
Now she's gone
I do not know why it should happen
I do not really understand
Maybe, I was so in love with her that she was beginning to be an "idol"
And I love her more than I should love you
Maybe that's why you took her away from me
(If that is the case, I am sorry, God…)
I do not know the true reason, but I put my trust in You
That You know what is the best for us
I do not know what will happen from now
I am still confused and brokenhearted
Help me to get through this heartbreak
Please, ease the pain
I might not be his boyfriend anymore, and she not anymore my girlfriend…
But she is Your daughter
And I pray You will always be with her
To guide and comfort her
Please give her the True Happiness and the True Love that you - not I - can only give
I still love her, God…
If this is a "true" one, help me to hang on
And help me to be a good friend to her
I trust in You to take care of this
I surrender this matter in Your hands
In the name of Jesus Christ, the true Author of True Love…
Amen.

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IT'S HARD TO BE LAKER FAN

It’s hard to be a Laker fan.

Flea, bassist of Red Hot Chili Peppers and blogger of NBA.com, wrote a blog saying it, too. Like me, he is a die-hard Laker fan.

The series loss of the Lakers to the Suns was painful. I had never been broken-hearted in my life but the feeling of seeing the Lakers lose is close to broken-heartedness. The last time I felt this way was when the Lakers lose to the Detroit Pistons back in the 2004 NBA Finals (I was not able to go to school when the Lakers lost in Game 5). The Lakers wasted a 3-1 lead in the series. They needed only one more win but the Phoenix Suns won three straight. It was very painful. And I think Coach Phil Jackson, Kobe Bryant, Lamar Odom, Smush Parker, Kwame Brown, Luke Walton and the rest of the Lakers feel the same way, too…. as well as all the Laker fan like me.

My friends, unfortunately, are anti-Lakers. I think I only have one classmate that is a Laker fan, too. I also have a young neighbor, "Tooting", that likes the Lakers and Kobe Bryant (our favorite player). And the Dawal Twins’ dad is a fanatic like me, too. We both love the Lakers (Although the Dawal Twins are anti-Lakers). As for the rest of the people around me, they don’t like the Lakers. Heck, my very own beloved girlfriend hates Kobe Bryant, my favorite current player.

So you see… it is hard to be a Laker fan like me… people that don’t like the Lakers around you… people who hate them, who wishes them to fail… the Laker losses painful…

But I will remain faithful to the purple and gold uniformed Lakers. Looking back, they had a lot of successes. These are hard times for me. But me, and the rest of the Laker fans out there, will get through. There are still many seasons to come. We will wait until the purple and gold will be back on top.

Vive le Lakers!!! Go Lakers!!! Showtime!!!

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