LOOKING ABOVE THE NIGHT SKY

I like it when there are a few clouds, or none at all, during the night. I like to look at the stars and the moon. Sometimes, when I get lonely, depressed or if something is bothering me, I look at the night sky. I look above in awe…

I used to dream, back when I was a small kid, of being an astronaut when I grow up. I wanted to blast off to outer space, to float in weightlessness, to watch the Earth from above, to walk on the moon, and reach for the stars…
Back then, being a small kid, dreaming and admiring the outer space, I read a lot about it: planets, space flight, heavenly bodies… I was deeply interested in learning about th Space, and how to get there.
I don't dream of being an astronaut anymore, though I still like the idea than being a CPA. Me, being, an astronaut may not be impossible… but close.

But although I lost my dream of being a n astronaut, I still am interested about Space. I read and watch sci-fi; keep informed about new discoveries and new space projects; Moon Landing Conspiracy; hazards of space junk; possibility of life on Mars; aliens… I'm still into those things. And I will never outgrow my liking of looking up the cloudless night sky… to wonder and ponder.

I'm not really aware of star constellations, star positions and other astronomical stuff (the only things I can identify in the night sky is the moon and the "big dipper [or is it the small?]"). But I want to learn about them someday… want to learn astronomy.
And I wish I have high-powered binoculars, or wish that I still have my telescope (the one my lil sis broke).
But, at least, you don't need fancy gadgets and not being aware about "star facts" does not hinder me to admire the night sky.

I am not really sure why looking above at night time at the stars and the moon comforts me, calms me or cheers me. But it is so.
Maybe it's one reason God created them.

Lately, I have been looking above the night sky a lot. I have been often thinking about a lot of things. At our house's third floor, with my acoustic guitar, and a cup of coffee and pack of crackers beside me, I look above… and think.

And sometimes, while I admire at the beauty of the night sky, and outer space… I think of a more beautiful and glorious place which is located way beyond the skies and Space.
Heaven… I believe in that place. God's place. Where there is no sorrow, worry and wants. Where complete peace, joy and satisfaction lies.
One great evidence that it exists is you can catch a glimpse of Heaven in this Earth. Some of the things I catch a glimpse of it are when I see: a happy occasion, a selfless deed, an inspiring event, love, faith, hope, unity, miracles, wondrous works of Nature, breathtaking views, a beautiful sunset, or looking at the night sky…

Looking above brings comfort, cheer and calmness - no matter how down you are - looking above can do that.
Heartbreak is no match against Heaven. Hell can never prevail against Heaven. If you are having a Hell in your life, look above!

I wonder if I'll see a meteor shower or a comet, tonight?
Anyway, I'll enjoy the night sky, I'll strum the guitar and sing my heart out, enjoy the heavenly taste of coffee, and ponder on the fact that all joy and suffering in this world is temporary… and dream of my future Home…
I don’t need to be an astronaut to fly there…

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KNOCKED DOWN... BUT NEVER KNOCKED OUT.

Ludwig Von Beethoven.
The Master.
You should hear his masterpieces (got a tape cassette of them). Among the best of the best. He's a genius in composing of music - a true genius.
You see, Beethoven was deaf. Since he was young, he has begun to lose his hearing. And he completely lost his hearing by the time he was forty-eight - but five years later, he finished the awesome Ninth Symphony. He never heard it by ear. But he heard it in his heart and mind.
For a musician, losing your hearing is terrible. But that's what I admired about Beethoven. His deafness did not stop him loving the thing he loves - which is music. He loves music so much. He never allowed his deafness, or his other many problems (love life, social life, etc. read about it…), to stop him.
A true Master

* * *

Brewster M. Higley, M.D.
Composer of the song "My Western Home" or better known as "Home On The Range".
His life was tragic, too. Lost four wives. And he turned to alcohol n his depression. Poor miserable man.
But he moved on with his life. He went to the American Frontier - to be a pioneer out on Indian Country in Kansas. Yes, there were many dangers - Indians, snakes, prairie fire, heat, cold, plagues… you name it. Plus, the long distance from supplies and help.
But there he found solace. He found himself. He found a home. And found time to be awed by Nature and his surroundings and write a song about it. "Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and the skies are not cloudy all day…" Lovely.
He never allowed misery to completely beat him. He manage to compose a great song, as well as compose himself to stand up again after the pain of the past.
Well, he married again - for the fifth time - and lived happily ever after.
A true man of optimism.

* * *

Jon Bon Jovi's slow rock love songs are almost all about goodbyes and heartbreaks; the girl leaving, but him still loving her. Bed Of Roses, Always, I'll Be There For You… Song of goodbyes and heartbreaks.
It's all based on his experiences… those moving but lonely love songs. It seems a girl (or girls?) left him, but he still loves her loyally even with the pain he felt.
Cool guy. Never allowed the heartbreak to bring him completely down. He managed to do something constructive - he wrote love songs.
Like Beethoven and Higley, Bon Jovi was knocked down but never allowed himself to be completely knocked out. It's not only true to musicians. I could name other great people - like Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison - that failed, but did not allow themselves to be complete failures. They stood up and continued to fight - to win. Knocked down but never knocked out.

* * *

Why am I writing these?
Well, I was recently knocked down and barely did not made the ten counts.
I was - or rather, am - brokenhearted for the first time. The girl I love and I broke up in our relationship. And it was very painful.
But I managed to stand up again - still hurting, but ready to go on.
And like Beethoven, Higley and Bon Jovi, I am going to make some music.
I guess I am going to compose a new song - this is going to be my sixth composed song. I already have some music in my mind, and I'm sorting out the lyrics.
The song might be a lonely one… all about my feelings and emotions now, like pain and loneliness. I'll not only dedicate it to my ex, but also to the Beethovens, Higleys, Bon Jovis, Einsteins, Edisons, Lincolns, etc. of this world. Those guys who were knocked down, but stood up to continue the fight and never knocked out.

* * *

And I'll dedicate it to God, too, like all the songs, secular and worship, I composed. This song might not be a worship song to Him (maybe I'll make one for Him, too) but its' also dedicated to him because. He's the one who lifts me up when I'm knocked down, encourages me to keep on fighting, and promised, that with Him, I will never be knocked out.

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BREAKUP... BROKENHEARTED... BREAKING DOWN...

Brokenhearted
That is my state today
My girlfriend, my high school sweetheart, broke up with me
I was a bit ready for it, but it was still painful
I love her so much
Yes, I was prepared to let her go if that's the best
And I have to let her go
But it's painful
It was like seeing the Los Angeles Lakers lose
Only a hundred times more painful (that's the best description I can give)
It's my first time to be brokenhearted
And I find it really painful
Hellishly painful

I call her the "Luv Of My Lyf"
She's beautiful
Her character matches her beauty
Has a good heart
Talented
Intelligent
But most of all, I love her'
And that what really matters
I love her for what she is

She was sorry it had to happen (me too!)
But I guess she's right to prioritize many important things and let go of me
At least, she was honest
And although she is gone, as a lover…
She's still my friend - I'm still glad of that

It's both joyful and sad when I think about the bittersweet memories we shared
I'll always love the dances we shared
The times we're together…
Especially when we go home from school
It was fun to be with her
All about her was fun
Now it's over

As to date, this is the lowest point of my life
Yes, I still have my happy and carefree nature (Thank God!)
But there's loneliness and pain in my heart
And melancholy and depression comes once in a while
I'm glad I still find sources of comfort
To be thankful and happy
Reading literature and playing music lifts my spirit when I am down
But the pain was too much…
It's been days after the breakup before I could pick up my guitar or read a book
I'm glad I can do those things now - takes a bit of the pain away
Food helps, too. Food is always there when you need it
Entertainment - yeah - will do, too
TV, PC, movies, Internet, games, jokes, fun… good things that makes you forget
And I can turn to drawing… to practice to draw again… to learn…
Writing is always good as well as therapeutic… that's what I'm doing now
And other hobbies and interest of mine might help
Might take some of the pain away… or make me forget for a while

But I'm thankful… thankful for many things
That I got the chance to meet her
That she got to be once mine, and I hers
The memories
The happiness
The inspirations and motivations
The love
I'm thankful she came into my life

I am confused why it should happen
I guess God knows best
His plan is perfect
This may look bad now… I may be down now…
But I believe the future is bright
It was God's promise
Yes, it's going to be a long time before I can recover…
Before my heart will mend
Before the pain and loneliness will disappear
Before all will be forgotten
A long time…
But I know Best Friend JC is with me… to comfort me
The Man Upstairs is looking after me
And the Holy Ghost will guide me
With Him… I put my trust…
I surrender all my worries to him… now I surrender this heartbreak to Him
The Big Guy will get me through

And as I pray each night since my girlfriend and I broke up:

Lord,
I am thankful for letting me meet her
And for the love between us
It was good while it lasted
Now she's gone
I do not know why it should happen
I do not really understand
Maybe, I was so in love with her that she was beginning to be an "idol"
And I love her more than I should love you
Maybe that's why you took her away from me
(If that is the case, I am sorry, God…)
I do not know the true reason, but I put my trust in You
That You know what is the best for us
I do not know what will happen from now
I am still confused and brokenhearted
Help me to get through this heartbreak
Please, ease the pain
I might not be his boyfriend anymore, and she not anymore my girlfriend…
But she is Your daughter
And I pray You will always be with her
To guide and comfort her
Please give her the True Happiness and the True Love that you - not I - can only give
I still love her, God…
If this is a "true" one, help me to hang on
And help me to be a good friend to her
I trust in You to take care of this
I surrender this matter in Your hands
In the name of Jesus Christ, the true Author of True Love…
Amen.

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